Princess Helen tells the Spartans to go home

Once upon a time a coloratura soprano (let’s call her Eden) served as a volunteer music teacher at her son’s classical charter school.

“Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!” she said one chilly day. So, she wrote the show, using Homer’s epic poetry as a guide.? It was first performed in March 2008, and will be repeated at the school in March 2009.

Is it worth repeating? YES! Here’s the script. . . which combines a classical narrative with the frothiest pop culture. Our students and parents loved it. Just ASK and you can have it for your school!

Copyright 2009, Eden Casteel. All rights reserved.

THE ODYSSEY CHARACTERS

Narrator One

Narrator Two

Odysseus the adventurer

Penelope the wife of Odysseus

Helen of Troy

Menelaus her husband

Paris her boyfriend

Athena the goddess of hunting

Adonis

Aristotle

Zorba

Disembodied voice of Zeus

Trojan One

Trojan Two

Eurylochus

Alexander

Waitress

Cyclops the one-eyed monster

Poseidon the sea god, and Cyclops? father

Eurycleia, the housekeeper

Suitor One

Suitor Two

Telemachus

Hermes the Messenger of the Gods

Circe the Witch

Tiresias

Aeolus, god of the winds

The Sirens who sing men to their doom

Syclla the six-headed monster

Charybdis the whirlpool (rhythmic gymnasts with crepe paper streamers)

NARRATOR ONE: Hillsdale Preparatory School proudly presents The Odyssey, an epic poem by Homer. Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who travelled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy. .

NARRATOR TWO: WAIT! We can?t do ?The Odyssey? yet. ?The Iliad? came first. You have to do ?The Iliad? first! Otherwise they won?t understand.

ONE: But ?The Iliad? is soooooooo long. We?ve already condensed ?The Odyssey? down to ?Odysseus? Excellent Adventure.?

TWO: Well, can?t we at least give them a little back story? Can?t we introduce the main characters from the end of ?The Iliad?, so they?ll know how ?The Odyssey? begins?

ONE: Okay, but make it quick! I?m graduating in 2016.

TWO: (drum roll) Ladies and gentlemen, heeeeeere?s .. . (as they enter, they stack themselves a la the Brady Bunch opening sequence)

ODYSSEUS swings like a boxer: Odysseus, brave soldier of Ithaka, ready to attack the walled city of Troy!

PENELOPE cuddles an infant: Penelope, his long suffering wife and mother of Telemachus!

HELEN waves like a beauty queen: Princess Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships!

MENELAUS growls: Menelaus, Helen?s jealous husband!

PARIS preens like a movie star: Paris, the guy who stole Helen away from her husband, Menelaus!

ATHENA strides like a hunter: Athena, the goddess of hunting and protector of Odysseus!

?The Odyssey?: To the tune of ?The Brady Bunch?

GREEK CHORUS: Here?s the story of Princess Helen

Who has come to live inside the walls of Troy

She?s in love with a boy named Paris

Her husband is annoyed

Here?s the story of Menelaus (Menelaus keeps trying to get to Helen, but she is protected by the Athena and Paris)

He?s so angry that he?s ready to attack

He?ll forgive them and leave the country

When he gets Helen back (Helen shakes her head ?no?)

For a decade Troy and Sparta were at battle

And The Iliad describes their history

When it?s over — that?s where our play starts,

Now you know the tale before The Odyssey, The Odyssey, The Odyssey,

That?s the story before The Odyssey!

SCENE ONE

ATHENA: I watch out for Odysseus, but I can?t protect him from his own stupid ideas — like waiting for ten years to figure out how to invade Troy.

We?ve Been Battling The Trojans (to the tune of ?I?ve Been Working On The Railroad?

SOLDIERS: We?ve been battling the Trojans, all the livelong day,

We?ve been battling the Trojans, for the last ten years we?ve stayed.

We are here rescue Helen, who hides behind that wall,

But the Trojans won?t surrender the fairest of them all.

ODYSSEUS: Helen, Helen! We?ve come to take you back to Menelaus. After we rescue you, we get to go home! So, could you please come down? Pretty please?

HELEN (primp, calls out from top of walls): Boys, how many times do I have to tell you? I love Paris! I love Paris in the springtime, I love Paris in the fall. So why don?t you just turn your little boats around and go home? (the soldiers sigh at her beauty) (Helen smiles with pride) I hate when that happens. (The Trojans taunt the Spartans)

SOLDIERS: We?ve been battling the Trojans, but they just won?t give in.

We?ve been battling the Trojans, our patience is wearing thin.

No one can invade the city – the walls are tall and wide.

We could beat them very quickly — if we could get inside.

ODYSSEUS: We?ve waited long enough. We have to figure out a way to invade Troy.

ADONIS: Odysseus, we?ve tried everything.

ATHENA: Obviously not!

ADONIS: We?ve tried talking to them. (Trojans giggle at the top of the wall)

ARISTOTLE: We?ve tried yelling at them. (Trojans cover their ears)

ZORBA: We?ve tried starving them. (Trojans taunt them and throw food)

ALL CREW: Nothing has worked. Nothing has worked for TEN YEARS!

ADONIS: I did have a crazy idea.

ATHENA: Crazy is as crazy does. Listen up, Odysseus!

ODYSSEUS: I?m listening.

ADONIS: Maybe we could march around the city twelve times, and then blow a ram?s horn or something. (Silence, then all the soldiers burst into laughter)

ODYSSEUS (laughing): What kind of joker would try THAT?

ATHENA: (Athena shakes her head knowingly) Lord only knows.

ODYSSEUS: Still, that gives me an idea.

ATHENA: Finally!

ODYSSEUS: A horse . . . our boats. ? eureka! Come with me, men! (Stage whisper) Okay, Helen, you win! We?re leaving!

HELEN: Boy,that was quick. Sayonara! May the gods protect you on your journey!

ATHENA: Attaboy, Odysseus! Excuse me — Father?

Disembodied Voice of ZEUS: Yes, Athena?

ATHENA: I have an update on Odysseus. I?ve discovered that he plans to infiltrate the walls of the city, by presenting them with a gift they can?t refuse. He?s using his ?horse sense.?

ZEUS: How creative.

Trojan Soldiers are guarding the wall

TROJAN ONE (yawns): How many more hours ?til sunrise? I?m off duty at dawn.

TROJAN TWO: Hey, what?s that, out there by the shore? Is it a bird?

TROJAN ONE: It can?t be a plane, this is 800 B.C.

TROJAN TWO: It looks like a . . . giant wooden horse! Are my eyes deceiving me?

The Trojans pull on a rope, pantomiming pulling the horse into the city. They look ?up? because the horse?s belly is very high.

?Trojans Pull The Horse Inside? to the tune of ?Michael Row the Boat Ashore?

GREEK CHORUS as TROJANS: What on earth has rolled ashore? It?s so huge-ah! What on earth has rolled ashore? It?s so huge-ah.

TROJAN ONE speaks: It must be a gift from the gods!

TROJAN TWO speaks: Paris says we should beware of Greeks bearing giraffes ? or gods bearing gifts ? something like that, I can?t remember exactly.

TROJAN ONE speaks: Let?s open the gates and bring it inside before some other walled city takes it! My kids will love this.

GREEK CHORUS as TROJANS sing: Trojans, pull the horse inside! Hallelujah! Trojans, pull the horse inside! Hallelujah.

ATHENA: Father, Odysseus? plan is working perfectly! The Trojans have brought the wooden horse into the city. They think it?s a gift from you. They don?t know that it is filled with Spartan soldiers ready to attack, as soon as Odysseus gives the signal.

ODYSSEUS has climbed to the top of the wall and screams: I?m in! COWABUNGA!

The battle begins. To the tune of the Blue Danube Waltz, the GREEK CHORUS stages a mock battle. TROJANS and SPARTANS fight at stage level, die dramatic ?stage deaths?, leaving all the Spartans standing triumphantly. (Odysseus climbs down during the song.)

Spartans Fought The Battle to the tune of ?Joshua Fit The Battle of Jericho?

SPARTANS sing:

Spartans fought the battle against the foe, against the foe, against the foe,

Spartans fought the battle against the foe, and the Trojans came tumbling down!

SOLDIERS sing:

For ten long years Troy kept us out,

They forced us all to wait.

But now we?re in and now they?re dead,

And the city we?ll desecrate!

GREEK CHORUS (dying TROJANS) sing:

Trojans fought the battle against the foe, against the foe, against the foe,

Trojans fought the battle against the foe, and the Trojans came tumbling down!

Remaining Trojans collapse

ODYSSEUS looks around: Hey, where?s Helen? I hope we didn?t accidentally kill her.

CREW: Who cares? Let?s go home! Last one to the boat?s — a Trojan! Soldiers cheer and exit

SPARTAN SOLDIER CREW sings as they sail:

To the tune of ?Row, Row, Row Your Boat?

Row, row, row your boat,

While we sing a song,

Soon we?ll be back in Ithaka,

It shouldn?t take too long!

ODYSSEUS and CREW climb into the boat and sail off.

ODYSSEUS AND CREW ?The Six Of Us? to the tune of ?The Two Of Us?

Six of us sailing homeward,

Tired of being on our own.

You and me sailing westward,

Soon arriving
On our way back home
We’re on our way home
CHORUS: They?re on their way home
They? going home!

ATHENA: It?s not going to be smooth sailing, Odysseus . . .

?

MEANWHILE, Penelope waits for Odysseus. And waits. And waits.

The Suitors arrive and bow obsequiously to Eurycleia

TELEMACHUS: No thanks, we gave at the office. He tries to push them out but fails

EURYCLEIA: Madame, the suitors are back again!

PENELOPE: I wish they would leave me alone.

EURYCLEIA: You know they won?t leave you alone, Madame Penelope, until you get married again.

PENELOPE: I am married, Eurycleia — to Odysseus! And he WILL be coming home to Ithaka, I just know it! The suitors see Penelope and wave frantically to her

EURYCLEIA: Welcome . . . back . . .to the home of Odysseus, gentlemen. Enjoy your visit. I will bring refreshment.

SUITOR ONE: I?ll have the usual, Eurycleia! Now, where is my bride to be? There she is! Name the date, beloved!

SUITOR TWO: Let?s go to the temple — and then to the bank!

PENELOPE irritated: Gentlemen, I am already married! She begins to sew

SUITOR TWO taunting: Where is that husband of yours?

SUITOR ONE taunts Telemachus: Where?s Daddy? Telemachus glares at Suitors

PENELOPE: I don?t know.

SUITOR ONE: It?s been ten years. Didn?t Odysseus ? may he rest in peace — say to you, ?I will be back as soon as it is possible??

PENELOPE: I guess he didn?t wind his sundial.

SUITOR TWO: Was he in Troy to fight for Sparta or for Ithaka?

PENELOPE: I don?t know, it?s all Greek to me.

SUITOR ONE: Troy fell years ago. It?s clear, Madame Penelope, that Odysseus is dead and you are a widow. Someone needs to help you spend your money! (Penelope stares at him)

SUITOR TWO: Er — you can?t maintain this beautiful house and lands all by yourself, and your son Telemachus needs a new father.

TELEMACHUS angrily: I have a dad, and his name is Odysseus! He kicks the suitors in the shins and runs off behind his mom

PENELOPE: Enough! Gentlemen, I have a solution.

SUITOR ONE: What?

PENELOPE: I?ll marry ? one of you ? as soon as I finish sewing this dress. My wedding dress. (she holds up her sewing project)

SUITOR TWO (frustrated): Madame Penelope, you?ve been sewing that same dress for ten years now!

PENELOPE: I just want it to be perfect for you. Isn?t perfection worth waiting for?

SUITOR ONE (smells Eurycleia?s good food): Let?s not rush her ? it?s lunchtime! We?ll talk to her again . . after dessert. Until then, beloved! The suitors blow kisses to her and stroll off

TELEMACHUS: Mom, do you believe Dad will ever come back?

PENELOPE: I have to believe. And I?m going to keep sewing and un-sewing this dress until your dad can come back and get rid of these pests.

PENELOPE begins to unravel the dress, sings to an ?Iconic? plaque of her husband:

To the tune of ?Ain?t Misbehavin??

No one to talk with, all by myself,

No one to walk with, but I?m happy on the shelf.

Ain?t misbehavin?, I?m savin? my love for you.

For ten long years now, you?ve led me on,

Ain?t giving up now, though everyone says you?re gone,

Ain?t misbehavin?, I?m savin? my love for you.

They can?t see that I?m unthreading

The apparel for my wedding,

I?ll needle them

Until you?re here beside me.

Although I?m lonely, and I?m perplexed,

I?ll always love you, in this life and in the next.

Ain?t misbehavin?, I?m savin? my love for you!

She has torn apart the dress; the suitors return and see it all torn up.

SUITOR TWO: With all your money, you could just buy a dress at the mall. Telemachus kicks him again, and the suitors run off after him

SCENE FOUR

ODYSSEUS AND CREW ?The Four Of Us? to the tune of ?The Two Of Us?

Four of us sailing homeward,

Tired of being on our own.

You and me sailing westward,

Soon arriving
On our way back home
We’re on our way home
CHORUS: They?re on their way home
They?re going home!!

Odysseus and the Crew land.

ALEXANDER: Wasn?t that odd? It was like a wind just blew us onto this island.

POSEIDON: That?s what YOU think!

EURYLOCHUS prays to the gods: Poseidon, thank you for sending us to this beautiful place. Even if it isn?t Ithaka.

ZORBA: See that smoke in the distance? Let?s go check it out. I?m still hungry.

EURYLOCHUS: Lotus leaves aren?t very filling. Back in five! Crew leaves

ODYSSEUS: You go ahead. I?m staying put.

NARRATOR 2: Three days later, Odysseus began to suspect that something was keeping the crew.

ODYSSEUS: I am beginning to suspect that something is keeping the crew.

ATHENA: You?re going to need some special help this time. I?m sending reinforcements.

Eurylochus returns in distress.

EURYLOCHUS: O chieftain! We?re in big trouble!

ODYSSEUS: Where are the others?

EURYLOCHUS: We found the source of the smoke. A beautiful domicile, deep in the forest, where Circe the Beautiful Witch lives. She fed us, then touched us with her magic stick ? and ? Eurylochus breaks down

ODYSSEUS: And?!?!?!

EURYLOCHUS: She turned the crew into pigs! One by one they grew pig?s ears and snouts! And then she tied them up in a pig pen! I can still hear them oinking!

ODYSSEUS: That sow! I will avenge my crew! HERMES the messenger appears carrying a sign that says ?Odysseus?. Odysseus sees it and walks over to him Are you looking for Odysseus?

HERMES: Yeah, I?m Hermes, the messenger of the gods. I got a little message here for him. You know him?

ODYSSEUS: I am him.

HERMES: You don?t look like him. I was expecting maybe a little taller.

ODYSSEUS: I am Odysseus. What is your message for me?

HERMES: Oh, that?s good, that you?re him. ?Cause I was thinking this Odysseus might be a real tough guy to find, gettin? lost all the time while he?s tryin? to get home. Me myself, I navigate by the stars. When you?re messenger of the gods, you gotta know where you?re going, know what I mean?

ODYSSEUS impatient: What?s the message?

HERMES: Oh, here it is. It?s from Athena, the goddess of hunting and your personal protector. She says you can avoid being turned into a pig by Circe the Witch. He pauses

ODYSSEUS more impatient: Did she say HOW to avoid it?

HERMES: I?m gonna give you three hints!

ODYSSEUS puts his sword to Hermes? neck: I?m going to give you one.

HERMES: Okay, Mr. No Sense of Humor. He reads the message ?Odysseus, take the herb that Hermes gives you? Hermes plucks a flower from the ground ?and eat it. Circe?s magic will have no effect on you, and she will do your bidding. Yours truly, Athena.? Hermes waits for a tip from Odysseus

ODYSSEUS: Thanks for the message. You may go now.

HERMES continues to wait with his hand out

ODYSSEUS: What are you waiting for?

HERMES: It was a long trip. Express delivery. I singed my wings, it?ll cost me to get them repaired.

ODYSSEUS: Get out of here now, Hermes, or the next message will be up your nose.

HERMES: No tip necessary! Have a nice day. He exits

ODYSSEUS to EURYLOCHUS: Let?s find those pigs in the pokey! Circe the Witch appears, dressed like a gypsy version of Little Bo Peep, and has Zorba and Alexander on leashes.

CIRCE talks to the pigs: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy ate baklava, and this little piggy had none, and this little piggy went ?weeeeeee? all the way into the pigpen!! Zorba and Alexander oink sadly

?The Circe Song? to the tune of ?The Farmer in the Dell?

CIRCE: I?m Circe and you?re not,

I?m Circe and you?re not,

Heigh ho the derry o,

these soldiers I have caught.

At magic I excel, at magic I excel,

If you?re near me you best beware,

I love to cast a spell.

GREEK CHORUS: She has a little farm,

she has a little farm,

It?s made of humans big and small

Who fell under her charm.

CIRCE: The soldiers were about,

the soldiers were about,

I gave them something good to drink,

And now they both have snouts!

Although they are alarmed,

although they are alarmed,

I don?t eat bacon ? or pig?s feet!

I will not do them harm.

In case you had forgot: I?m Circe and you?re not,

Heigh ho the derry o,

these soldiers I have caught!

Odysseus and a trembling Eurylochus arrive

CIRCE: Welcome to the house of Circe. You must be thirsty after your long travels. Sit down and have a drink, Odysseus.

ODYSSEUS: How did you know my name?

CIRCE: You are the man who conquered Troy. Hermes the messenger brought me the news just today! Let?s toast your accomplishments.

Eurylochus drinks, Odysseus pops the herb in his mouth and drinks with Circe, who expects him to turn into a pig immediately ? but he doesn?t.

ODYSSEUS: Something wrong, Circe?

CIRCE: No, nothing?s wrong. Feeling all right?

Eurylochus begins to oink

ODYSSEUS: I feel fine.

CIRCE: You?re not turning pink . . .at all.

ODYSSEUS: I tan easily.

CIRCE exasperated: Why aren?t you turning into a pig like the others?

ODYSSEUS: I have resisted your spell! Now, YOU will submit to ME!

Odysseus is ordered to visit Tiresias in the Undeworld. It’s a good scene! Can’t show you everything. Want the whole script? Email me.

EURYLOCHUS and AEOLUS welcome Odysseus back to the land of the living.

EURYLOCHUS: Welcome back, boss! This is Aeolus, the god of the winds.

AEOLUS: Circe the Witch sent me to help speed you on your way home. In this bag are all the winds of the Aegean Sea. (The burlap bag contains a kindergartener or two, kicking furiously). Keep them contained until you need them, then let out just a little puff at a time. Otherwise, there could be problems.

EURYLOCHUS: May I be in charge of the winds, boss?

ZORBA: Keep your hands on that bag, Eury!

EURYLOCHUS: I am brave and strong, just like you! He grabs the bag and the crew help him hold it

ODYSSEUS: Very well. Be careful. Crew, prepare for the final voyage! They begin to drag the bag to the boat

AEOLUS: One more thing, Odysseus. You will sail past many dangerous places on your way home. The winds will steer you away from them. Be especially cautious if you hear beautiful singing.

ODYSSEUS: Why is beautiful singing dangerous?

AEOLUS: That?s the music of the Sirens, gorgeous ladies who will lure you to your death by singing to you. You will hear them and want to get closer, but their island is surrounded by rocks that will crush your boat. Here?s some wax for your ears, so you can?t hear the murderous music.

ODYSSEUS. I think I can withstand a pretty voice, thank you very much. Here you go, crew. The crew stuff the wax into their ears

AEOLUS: They all say that. Well, if you want a ticket to the concert, have your crew tie you down into the boat so you don?t jump overboard.

ODYSSEUS: How absurd! I?m the great Odysseus. My ears are like . . .my ears are like . ..we?ll they?re strong, I?ll tell you that!

AEOLUS: I?m just sayin?. Bon voyage, Odysseus.

ODYSSEUS gets in the boat with EURYLOCHUS, ALEXANDER and ZORBA. The bag of winds is very difficult to control, and suddenly the bag bursts open, and the winds are released, throwing the boat wildly off course. Odysseus? maps are tossed out too

ZORBA: The maps to Ithaka! They?re lost!

ALEXANDER: WHAT?

ZORBA: They?re gone with the wind!

Zorba and Alexander and Eurylochus begin bickering, they can?t hear the sound of the Sirens, but Odysseus does.

ODYSSEUS: What is that haunting sound?

(To the tune of “The Habanera” from “Carmen”)

SIRENS: Can you hear us? We are the Sirens.

We sing as sweet as the nightingale,

Once you hear us, you will come near us,

and when you do we?ll dash your sail,

ODYSSEUS: I must get closer to the music! He begins to prepare to dive overboard but the crew struggle with him

You can?t help it. Our throats are golden,

our music forces you off the map

If you listen, you?ll soon be missin?,

for you?ll have fallen into our trap.

ZORBA: Quick! Tie him up!

EURYLOCHUS: WHAT?

Zorba mimes tying up Odysseus and they bind him so he can?t jump.

SIRENS: Obey the sound . . . and soon . . . you?re drowned!

We beckon you to come ashore,

believe your ears and not your head.

When you can?t take it anymore,

you?ll hit the rocks and then you?re dead!

GREEK CHORUS: (And then you?re dead)

SIRENS: You can?t resist us,

your ears begin to bend,

But when you?re close to us, Odysseus,

Your life will end!

ODYSSEUS: The music?s beautiful!

CREW: What?

ODYSSEUS: Please, for the love of Zeus, UNTIE ME!

CREW: WHAT!?!?!?

POSEIDON: I?ll get you, my pretty! You and your little boat, too!

ATHENA: No, Poseidon. He?s suffered enough. It?s time for him to go home. He?s got plenty of trouble there anyway.

POSEIDON: My son lost his sight, and all he?s lost is some time. He has not repaid the debt.

ATHENA: He can?t give Cyclops an eye transplant. Although, since it?s only one eye, I guess he could! But we don?t have the technology for that.

POSEIDON: Let me teach him one more lesson, then we?ll be even.

ATHENA: As you wish.

POSEIDON: Scylla and Charybdis, twin monsters of the sea, terrorize this Odyssey! Six headed dragon, Scylla the scary, toss and roll the crew they carry. Threaten them with your terrible jaws, frighten and flay them with your terrible claws! Scylla the six headed dragon appears in the sea and tries to pitch the boat Mighty Charybdis, the strong whirlpool, round and round you will spin these fools! Into your vortex, down to the deep, make them spin and cry and weep! Charybdis swirls around the crew and the boat spins again. They seem to have drowned

POSEIDON cheerfully: Okay, I?m satisfied.

Odysseus, Eurylochus, Zorba and Alexander straggle onto the Island of Helios.

ZORBA: Where?s the boat?

ALEXANDER: It?s smashed to bits.

EURYLOCHUS: This doesn?t look like Ithaka to me. Though I?ve never been there.

ODYSSEUS: It?s not Ithaka. Look! Sheep wander by, wearing labels that say ?Property of Helios, Do Not Eat.? We?re on the Island of Helios.

ALEXANDER: What I would give for a Lotus Salad right about now.

ZEUS: They remember the rules, don?t they, Athena?

ATHENA: About not eating the sacred sheep of Helios? Yes, I heard Tiresias warn them.

ZEUS: I will be very, very angry if they dishonor the sheep of Helios.

EURYLOCHUS: I?m famished.

ODYSSEYUS: I?m demoralized. And exhausted. I?ve got to sleep. He sits on a rock and dozes while the ?Jeopardy Theme? plays; the men stand around, waiting for Odysseus to wake up.

ALEXANDER: It?s been ten days! I can?t stand it any longer! I have to EAT! Besides, nobody?s watching. He grabs a sheep and drags it off

ZORBA: Save me a chop! He follows

EURYLOCHUS: Baa, baa, white sheep, oh you taste so good . . . . he follows. Odysseus awakens

ODYSSEUS: Where are you, crew? He searches for them. The crew reappear with napkins tied around their necks, licking their fingers, when suddenly there are crashes of thunder and lightning Oh no! You didn?t!

ZEUS: You were WARNED! With crashes of thunder and lightning and hissing sounds from the Greek Chorus, Zeus kills the dumbfounded crew and pitches Odysseus into the sea.

ZEUS: You kill the sheep, you go to the deep!

ATHENA: Father! Please spare Odysseus! He did not eat the sacred sheep.

ZEUS: You save him. I?m going out for pizza.

ATHENA: Odysseus, noble warrior, you will survive!

ODYSSEUS ?One Of Us? to the tune of ?The Two Of Us?

One of me floating homeward,

Tired of being on my own.

Me alone floating westward,

Soon arriving
On my way back home
I?m on my way home
CHORUS: He?s on his way home
ODYSSEUS: I?m going home (I hope)!

FINALE

ODYSSEUS straggles to shore and realizes he has landed on Ithaka at last.

ODYSSEUS: Home at last, home at last, thank Zeus almighty, I?m home at last! I know I look a little different. I wonder if anyone will recognize me. Eurcyleia pops out with a basket of laundry

EURYCLEIA: Oh, it?s a beggar. Come here, I will get you cleaned up and Madame Penelope will feed you. She gets a good look at him The gods are gracious! Master Odysseus! You?re home!!! She falls at his feet and kisses his hands

ODYSSEUS: Well, this is a positive sign. Eurycleia, it?s wonderful to see you. How is my wife? How is my little boy?

Odysseus finds out that the suitors have been making eyes at his wife . . . he gets rid of them. Want to know how? Just email me for a full script.

PENELOPE: Is it really you?

ATHENA: It really is.

ODYSSEUS: It really is. But after twenty years, I know I?ll have to prove that I have come home to you at last.

PENELOPE: Are you kidding, Odysseus? You had me at ?hello?! She hugs him Telemachus, come and meet your father!

TELEMACHUS: Father! The family embraces

ATHENA: Father, I ask that you bless this family?s reunion and protect them from further distress, for Homer didn?t write any more sequels.

ODYSSEUS: Back in Ithaka! And you?re all here! And I?m never going to leave you again! Because there?s no place like home! (He clicks his sneakers three times)

“Back In Sweet Ithaka” to the tune of ?In The Sweet By And By?

ODYSSEUS: There?s a land that I?ve dreamed of for years,

It?s the place where my loved ones reside,

Though you can?t quite believe that I?m here,

I promise that I?ll never leave your side!

GREEK CHORUS: Back in sweet Ithaka,

And he?ll stay with the ones we adore,

Back in sweet Ithaka,

Home at last on that beautiful shore.

PENELOPE & TELEMACHUS: Though we knew you?d be gone for a while,

No one thought 20 years would have passed,

PEN: I remembered your voice and your smile,

BOTH: Now we?re happy that you?re home at last!

CHORUS

ALL: That?s the end of The Odyssey play,

Every person is where they belong

So we thank you for coming today,

And we ask you to join in the song!

CHORUS

BOWS

The End

(Lovingly dedicated to my mom, Ris? Casteel)